Session Objectives: Truly listening and listening well doesn’t happen naturally but requires careful attention and skill. In this session, we’ll share a tool that will help you grow as an exceptional listener.

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Notes from the Training

Please note that because of our guest speaker we do not have the exact transcript but high-level notes. We highly recommend watching the actual video above.

One of our values is humility. Approaching others with humility helps us to honor and care for them where they are. We believe one of the best ways to practice humility is by listening. When we listen to others well, they feel noticed, seen, and valued. We believe in being slow to speak and quick to listen. 

But listening well is not a skill we are all good at naturally. It takes effort and intention to become a fantastic listener. So with the help of Pastor and MFT Dan Broyles we hope to help equip you to be a better listener and friend, especially to those who have experienced or are going through hard times.

When someone chooses to share with you in a meaningful way. It usually happens because they have developed some level of trust or hope that you can be supportive or helpful in some way. However, everyone goes through hard times and we rarely have the answers. Sometimes, we don’t have any answers. And that’s OK! It’s actually a gift because it’s an opportunity to care for someone, not by solving their problems for them, but by caring well for their hearts so they can be comforted and possibly work through the problems themselves.

I want to start with a question. When’s the last time you shared something really difficult or personal with someone else?

What was the thought process that led to your decision to share with this person?

And how did it go? Was it helpful?

Think about how you felt before talking. Were you nervous? Overwhelmed? And how about after?

BENTS Tool

Beliefs

o What do they believe about their circumstances?

o What do they believe about God/Scriptures?

o What do they believe about emotions, past relationships, hurts, etc?

o What is their belief about knowing/submitting /understanding God?

o What beliefs do you have about the person who is sharing their story/concern?

Emotions

o What hurts/fears are involved?

o How do their emotions impact their decisions?

o How do they view emotions?

o Do they understand their emotions and their relationship with thoughts?

o How much power do they give others in regard to their emotions?

o What is their emotional relationship with Christ?

Nonverbals

o Are their nonverbals congruent with their words?

o What are you displaying with your nonverbals?

o How are you displaying that you are listening?

o Did you notice any change in their nonverbals?  What do those changes imply?

Timing

o Is this the correct time to go deeper?

o How much trust has been developed at this point?

o At this time, is it best to direct or listen?

o What is God’s timing in this situation?

o What is the “pace” of the person you are talking with?

Scriptures

o What Scriptures apply to the situation?

o What Scriptures can I dwell on?

Session Summary

Listening to others well helps them to feel noticed, seen, and valued. By actively listening and using the BENTS tool (Beliefs, Emotions, Nonverbals, Timing, and Scripture) you can build stronger connections and demonstrate that you care.